My growth

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identity / personal development/transformational change

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Those that know of me, or have read any of my books will know that I came from a dark and negative past.  I struggled with so many issues whilst growing up and the result of that was the natural inclination to question the existence of God.

As you maybe may have experienced, when life has tested you, by eating you up, chewing you up and spitting you back out, you might question what your position is within God’s family, within Christianity and all the rest of it.  If you have been in a situation where you have looked up to God and it just seemed as though God was not bothered with you and your problems; or, if your life situation was anything like mine in the past then you would have been, both only angry at God, and questioning his abilities or his existence. Quite often I heard about how God was all powerful and all knowing. I almost always wanted to slap the mouths that I heard say that because, to me God wasn’t powerful enough to solve my problems and he obviously wasn’t all knowing because if he was, he would have brought me out of my adversities.

Anyway my life experiences are what drove me on the quest for knowledge about God. I wanted to at least have a valid reason to dismiss God before I totally dismissed the idea that God existed as opposed to just simply giving up on the things of God. I enrolled at Luther King House Theological College in Manchester England to study Contextual Theology.

It was the beginning of a whole new journey for me. The academic journey was both amazing and sometimes unbelievable. What I came out with from this journey was the importance of love, because love without greed or hidden agendas means that everyone on earth could exercise this love for the benefit of every living thing on this earth. Love for others, regardless of who or what they are ensured a happy and safe environment for all including animal and plant life. If everyone had enough love in them there would be no wars, hunger, corruption, exploitation and ill treatment of others, global warming and all the rest of it. We would all learn to act within the best interests of one another.

I learnt so much such at LKH (Luther King House) that by the time I completed my studies it really didn’t matter to me anymore whether Jesus was God, or whether God was the God of the Black people, or whether God loved the Europeans more than everyone else because they committed atrocities and enslaved Africans in His name and got away with it. It didn’t matter anymore that the Bible was used as tool for colonisation or to justify slavery and the ill-treatment of others in the world. Whilst it is still very valid to carry on educating everybody and rewriting History about the real truth around certain issues, and not wanting to undermine the gravity of the negativity of Christianity on masses and masses of people in many parts of the world. I wanted to focus on what was relevant to me and my growth and hopefully the growth of other people that may have stood in my shoes at one time or another in their life.

All these debates about the past, as valid as they are, are mentally exhausting. In fact, I realise that there are so many different ideologies and flavours within Christianity that I would need to dedicate my entire life to figure out what the exact truth is. I just didn’t have the time, it took me 39 years to arrive where I am now and all I wanted to be was a just a good person, a decent human being and put that into practice. I wanted to respectfully dismiss the never ending debates by shifting from the History and focusing on the present goings on in society today.

At this point, I decided for myself that this is where my growth and maturity was to be birthed. This was “my born again moment”. I could now officially call myself a mature woman. I was now focussed on the much bigger picture. Even though my mission was always about helping others and loving others as much as I could through community work.  I thought about the ways that I could best exercise this love for others on a bigger scale, under a much huger umbrella.  Coming from a place of darkness, I decided that my ministry was going to be about helping others overcome difficulties and challenging pastors to address uncomfortable issues that are relevant to where society is now, issues such as homosexuality, sexual abuse, domestic violence, especially in the black African church. I wanted to continue to help communities overcome hardship and dysfunction but on a much bigger scale. Out of this desire The Machuma Foundation was born.

That very desire and knowing my exact purpose is what makes me the content woman that I am today, because I know exactly what I will be doing for the rest of my life.

I found my passion and my path.

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