Interracial relationships

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colorism / community education / diversity issues / Uncategorized


Disclaimer: This article is not about bashing black people and putting other races on a pedestal. My only intention is to highlight some the reasons why some people may end up dating or marrying outside of their race. I would like to say that I am not against anyone, black, white or whatever, choosing to date outside their race. People are free to date or marry whomever they want. The views expressed here are my own personal insight stemming from what I have observed from within the black community.

 When I was in high school, there was this teacher, Mr X, that struck me as a very ignorant fool. I still get angry when I think about him and recount what being in his class was like. He was physically and verbally abusive to black kids in the classroom. I believe that he was mentally challenged in so many ways, I believe that he was “mad”. The striking thing about Mr X was that his wife was “mixed race” as they are called in the UK or “coloured” as they were called back then in Zimbabwe, or “bi racial”, as they are called in America. Anyway, the point is, his wife was half black and he was racist. I often wondered how their marriage functioned because I felt some pity for his wife. I often wondered how she felt watching him disgrace and harass black kids? How did she feel when the black kids were demeaned in her presence? Did she ever feel guilty about not using her position as a black woman in the school to make things right and advocate on our behalf? Did she even know that she was black, or was she as stupid as her husband? I wondered if she had kids of her own with this creature; and if she did, I wondered what their ordinary day as a family was really like. I often wondered about why they ended up married and whether their reasons for marrying each other had been because of love.

 I don’t know what the reasons were behind Mr X marrying someone whose race he evidently undermined, but I do know that people have reasons why they choose to date or marry interracially. Whilst there are people that date or marry each other for love, it is my opinion that sometimes people use interracial dating for various reasons. Some people have certain expectations of people from other races, for example, I have heard some women speak about how black men tend to be emotionally disconnected, therefore making very little room for romantic love. These women gave examples of not being pampered enough or being told how much they are loved. They expressed concern around how they did not have; breakfast in bed, receive random flowers, gifts on St Valentine’s day, celebrate birthdays or Christmas- even just going out on dates. They complained that the black men whom they had encountered didn’t care about these little things, trivial as they may seem, yet meaning so much.  Other black women said that the sort of security, be it financial, emotional, or protective/physical that comes with being with a black man, came with conditions and was not given freely. In a nutshell, the women said that black men were not as open-minded and creative in trying to impress them or shower them with love and they believed that white men did a better job in that respect.

Another reason for people dating or marrying outside of their race was for revenge, for example, after a relationship breakdown, a woman may leave a black man for a white man, just as way of making the black man feel inferior and vice versa; or as a way out of a situation or as a means to an end, for example to obtain immigration status or come off financially better off. Believe it or not, some African people also date or marry outside of their race to have bi-racial children. With the mixing of the races, the children are born with lighter skin and have beautiful coloured eyes in some cases. I personally think that only a shallow minded person with a hate for themselves as a black person would use this as a reason to date a non-black person because within the black community, issues of colourism have created a huge divide amongst black people…I digress but you can read the articles here Colourism and here Colourism 

 That said, some black men brag about dating white women. From what I have seen, some of these black men seemingly go out of their way to put down black women, based on stereotypes about the attitude of black women, whilst trying very hard to convince whoever cares to listen, that black women are undesirable.  In my opinion, nobody should ever have to justify why they are in a relationship with someone of a different race. If you love that person, then you don’t have to justify to anybody as to why you are with that person. You don’t even have to compare that person to someone else. In an ideal world, skin colour should not even be brought into the debate. It should be about love. The attitude of someone should not be based on a stereotype. Not all black women have a bad attitude and not all white women are down to earth, even white people are capable of a bad attitude, racism and so much more. At the end of the day, black men should just learn to have respect for black women irrespective of who they choose to date because of the simple fact that their mothers are black women. Their mothers represent all black women everywhere, so when they look down on black women. Simple fact is; they look down on their mothers too.




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