Daddy Issues

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black family / community education / domestic abuse / identity / Uncategorized


The term “daddy issues” is a term that is thrown around and used in a negative and dismissive way towards women. In our black community, it is used to “diss” women by ill-informed people, man and women alike; yet no one seems to take time to think about the realities of men and their lack of stability, failing to take up leadership within their families as men and responsible fathers; and opting instead to have babies all over the place and moving on to potentially ruin another unborn child’s life when they decide to move on again…. like a nomad. These men are the real reason why children grow up with “daddy issues”, yet everyone unconsciously laughs about it.

According to some people, the term “daddy issues” is used to describe women that seek male attention more than normal or women that have an unhealthy relationship with men, presumably because their daddies abandoned them when they were young. The term seems to refer to a woman who is looking for a man like her father, so that she can have a second chance at winning his approval.  Similarly, to the information that I have considered on the internet, it is said that “daddy issues” has something to do with Freudian psychology where a female subconsciously re-enacts her relationships with her father in romantic relationships, or does the opposite with romantic relationships to “compensate” for what she did or didn’t have with her father. The following are examples of females that have been labelled by this term;

-a female who has been sexually abused by her father, or a father-like figure and becomes hypersexual,

-a female whose father abandoned her family, who then develops trust issues because of it,

-a female who had an abusive father, or father like figure, who unintentionally seeks out abusive or damaging relationships.

You may very well consider that the issues are quite deep and maybe the term “daddy issues” should not be foolishly thrown around as it does in our communities. Even though the term is used to just put a woman down by insulting them or calling them crazy, clearly, it’s nothing to laugh about. It is my opinion that sometimes this term is also used by men as a way of skirting around certain serious issues within relationships. This term can be used to avoid confronting the actual issues in a situation, thereby just summing things up by using this term to shut a woman down. For example; instead of taking part in positive problem solving tactics, some men may dismiss problems and refuse to be accountable by assigning the problems to the woman having so-called “daddy issues”. In a particular example that comes to mind; a certain man refused to address his boozing or alcoholism as it were, by being in denial with the fact that the way he over consumed alcohol affected his family. He ascribed the issue to his wife having insecurities around men who consumed alcohol, even when they were not drinking in excess, because his wife grew up with a drunkard father. When a man victimizes a woman with this term, he doesn’t have the capacity to support her as a friend or better half. Also, a man (or woman) that throws this term around is unfamiliar with the issues and circumstances behind why a woman may be presenting as having “daddy issues”. I suppose it’s on them to educate themselves.

Women go through and endure so much. Even if it is the case that women have “daddy issues”, does standing by, merely labelling a woman help her? Are men right to walk away and abandon their children knowing the effect that it will cause in the long run? or is the fact that there seems to be a culture of irresponsibility amongst black men, the very reason why we continue to have fatherless daughters in our communities?

Where is the logic in knowing that in the long-run, their children will in-turn have “daddy issues; and the same term that they use on other women will be used on their children? Why is it ok for men to walk away from their responsibilities as husbands and fathers, and not take those responsibilities seriously, then have the privilege of name-calling a woman that had a dysfunctional relationship with her father? Why are some black men at the side-lines putting down single mothers, and at the same time exploiting women for sex?  Why are some black men putting down single-parenthood when they are the ones without the backbone to keep their families intact? Is it fair to say that men are the cause of the “daddy issue” problem and they need to be the solution, by knowing how to be providers, leaders, fathers and husbands?

What do the men in our community do about breaking the cycle of children that grow up without fathers, that then turn into adults that are dysfunctional? How do the men in our communities break this cycle instead of mocking women out of their own ignorance, not realizing that they are a part of that wider problem? A re-education is required…. I want to challenge you into thinking about the source and the outcome of dysfunctional behaviours and attitudes, that in turn create broken families, and how that becomes a vicious cycle in the black community, as the very kids brought up out of such communities become ignorant fathers, and mothers with these so-called “daddy issues”.


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